A word of warning for those of weak knee: I will no doubt find it necessary to use profanity from time to time when describing the daily goings on of my rich and phrenetic life. If you find such digressions disturbing or in any way offensive, I suggest to hang out with others of like mind.
Here's a quick test: "Whilst shaving my head this morning, my ancient and ever-dulling electric razor almost lopped off my fucking earlobe."
Taken aback? No? That's good. That's fucking good.
I bet you hesitated to click on that hyperlink. Not to worry; I vow to never knowingly direct you to any sites of dubious content. Actually, don't click that last one lest you feel compelled to further investigate. Under no circumstances should you do so... it is without question the worst thing that's ever happened.
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A near-random collection of musings.
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The BumperSmash Charter
As many of you by now know, BumperSmash is (and will forever remain) the appellation and future home of the most delectable lunchtime treat in the rich history of starch-based foodstuffs.
Don't let the eponymous nature of this blog fool you; I fully intend to pursue the financial windfall that will supervene the grand opening and subsequent franchizing of my brainchild. Until said time, however, I've decided it wise to lend its name to my new blog as a shrewd attempt to lay claim to the BumperSmash empire.
While blogging can not provide the toothsome, even curative smashed potatoes that future generations will come to associate with BumperSmash, I fully intend to offer many challenging observations and Circean tales of daring heroism in their stead.
Most will involve dong jokes.
Yours Indubitably,
Nathan Gallant
Don't let the eponymous nature of this blog fool you; I fully intend to pursue the financial windfall that will supervene the grand opening and subsequent franchizing of my brainchild. Until said time, however, I've decided it wise to lend its name to my new blog as a shrewd attempt to lay claim to the BumperSmash empire.
While blogging can not provide the toothsome, even curative smashed potatoes that future generations will come to associate with BumperSmash, I fully intend to offer many challenging observations and Circean tales of daring heroism in their stead.
Most will involve dong jokes.
Yours Indubitably,
Nathan Gallant
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