(pin drop)

While my home interweb access was out, I took the liberty of going through a bunch of old photos and videos and embarrassingly-overwrought term papers in anticipation of posting some of the choicest items known to the Fat Gallant. 'Tis amazing what one can do with a computer without the internet's constant Maybe-just-maybe-there's-a-Shakira-nip-slip-since-the-last-time-you-searched-let's-go-find-out-RIGHT-NOW nagging.

Sadly, AT&T's crack customer service department conspired against me and I am still in the decidedly-nip-slip-free Dark Ages. But stay tuned for awesomeness to come. Until then: excuse the lack of Smash.

On the bright side, the Fair Briana paid an unannounced visit on Sunday morning, which was like a ray of sunshine on an otherwise-cloudy day, assuming that you are sexually attracted to the sun and enjoy cooking shrimp linguine for it.

Also on the proverbial bright side, the United States' customer service department is on the up-and-up.