Doppelganger-palooza

If there's one thing people wish they could alter about my personality, it would be my smell. When I explain that personalities don't smell, they say they were just trying to broach the subject politely.

If there's a second thing people wish they could change about me, it's my penchant for thinking that somebody "looks exactly like" somebody else. Actually, just thinking that wouldn't be a problem; I tend to point it out. Repeatedly. But now, thanks to the interweb, I can share with you, my loyal readers [Ingrid and Audio] some of my favorite examples of the phenomenon.

For my premiere Doppleganger-palooza, you get a double doozy! Kenny, of La Rocca's fame, always reminded me of a young Bruce Bochy, but then it came to my attention (over several vodka tonics with friends) that his true likeness is that of Mark Loretta. I grudgingly concede to the Lorettaphiles, but I'm not too far off.

Behold!

Kenny and an unidentified ho-bag.

Mark Loretta prepares to throw wide to 1st.

I remind Kenny that he looks like Bruce Bochy.

Bruce Bochy weighs his options. (SpoilerAlert! He has none.)

Briana's Subtle Shifts

Hooray! It's Art Day!

Courtesy Vinnie and, to a lesser extent, Yours Truly.

Tanuja finds inner peace in my old North Beach apartment...

Fish In A Barrel

I vowed "No more Yahoo! Sports mugshot posts."

Then Jamie Walker came into my life.


Remember that kid who ate paste
in 8th grade? He's on the Orioles.

Guitar Hero For Those Of Us Without A Video Game System

1. Go HERE. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2. Go to Random quotations. The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3. Go to flickr's Explore the Last Seven Days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4. Put it all together, that's your debut album.

5. If you're cool, you'll get into intravenous drug use.

My first attempt ruled, though I think we may be Icelandic or something:

My band, Nokdumuk, released our first album, thing to be acheived, with this album cover (which is a video, so we, as a band, are breaking all kinds of ground here; I think the cover will be made like those old "motion" stickers that moved when you tilted your viewing angle).

UPDATE: I just spent an hour trying to find those stickers somewhere online. Surely somebody out there knows what I'm talking about. When scratched they made that zipper sound.

There's a dong joke there somewhere, but I'm above it. Someone get me those stickers.

Still Bitter

It's been well over three years since Threadless rejected my t-shirt submission due to copyright infringement concerns:

Click for larger version. Is the text extraneous?

This was, of course, well before I met Andy Dick in La Rocca's. But really, Crispin was a far bigger trainwreck than Andy methinks. Let's go to the tape.

I remember watching that show live. 'Twas jaw-dropping.

As an aside, Briana thinks, nay, knows, that I have something of a problem with t-shirts. I covet them... ache for them. Many of them are too tight according to Doug. Many actually are too tight.
But dem's the breaks says I.



This post got away from me.

Well, here's my new favorite shirt from GirlAndRhino:




Their site seems to be down, but come get some when you're in my hoodie.

Important Update

This is fast becoming an Installment.

I proudly present the Yahoo! Sports Mugshot du Jour:




Cody Ross...
Holding it in til this photo shoot is over.

Kitty Butler's Dresser

If you had any idea what this entry's title is a reference to (and be thankful that you hadn't), you would have somehow been duped into seeing Tipping the Velvet, a magical BBC mini-series with all the subtlety of a flame-throwing day-glo Visigoth on methamphetamines.

Within the first 15 minutes of the show [the title of which is a euphemism for cunnilingus] our virginal Victorian protagonist goes from shucking clams (spoiler alert!) to becoming the personal dresser for a male impersonator with a penchant for changing outifts in rooms with many, many sexily-placed mirrors.

The dialogue and narrative arc was very believable, provided you are riding a unicorn through the golden streets of Atlantis whilst reading this.

In Tipping's honor, I offer one of my favorite all-time movie quotes which, in 4 glorious seconds, conjures up more dramatic resonance and better underscores a character's guarded vulnerability than those hacks from the BBC could possibly fathom:*

"I love the PowerGlove... it's so bad." - Lucas

*I actually love the BBC** but, let's just face it,

they don't know Ninja Gaiden.

**The BBC was also the name of a pizza from

a restaurant I worked at in high school;

the Bacon Broccoli and Cheddar used

mayonnaise*** in lieu of tomato sauce.

***Spelling mayonnaise is a motherfucker.

This Shant Become Habit

This is the easy way out; posting videos musn't be a regular feature of such a discerning, socially-gemane, highbrow blog such as mine. My fish are not interesting to you. I know this. But Gladys was trying to eat Briana and I'm going to pretend that her doing so was an astute (albeit cute) comentary upon the current offshore drilling conundrum.

But this one I just like:


So.... fake? Anybody?

Gladys' Love Tap

An Extended Period Of Time

It's been forever and a day since I've been to a food court. Normally, this would prove an altogether awesome thing, as it would suggest that I haven't been forced to go shopping in a mall recently and became so emaciated and muddle-headed that "Panda King" or "The Great Steak & Potato Co." or "Sbarro's" somehow sound palatable.

However, on the way to work today my nose picked up something that triggered a "Cinnabon" synapse deep within my grey matter, and I wanted nothing more than to bury my clean-shaven face in a cinnamon swirl.

I settled for a bagel with turkey and cream cheese from "Cafe Insalata."

Briana's reading Skinny Bitch, so this may be the last occasion I ever eat meat with a clean conscious. Through her, I will no doubt discover that turkeys can compose simple poetry and play Chutes & Ladders, provided we love them better.

Me. Tired. Beer. Too. Much.

As my brain has atrophied due to three days' exposure to Madison and, accordingly, my debonair and ascetic peers, I offer you my favorite Yahoo! Sports baseball mugshots.

Kobayashi, Francisco, and Laird.

I mean, seriously, Kobayashi is clearly an assassin.

As for the other two, let's just say that they look like two McDonald's employees who aren't allowed near the fryers.