I'm not proud of myself; I owe L-Dub an apology.
She was innocently watching Oprah whilst sitting next to me at the Teleprompter station, and unfortunately for her (and, in my opinion, for Oprah) the Olsen Twins were being interviewed. Then, they were interviewing one another. Subjects included their frantic schedules, how they felt about each other's dating life, and wanting to be taller.
Hair was discussed.
Then one of them revealed that she had a hollowed-out bagel for breakfast and before I even knew it was happening I snapped.
"If I have to listen to any more of this I swear to God I am going to shoot myself."
Sorry, Lauren, and thanks for the ride home last night. Send me a link to "Dance if You're Horny" so I can share your song with the world (consisting here of 4 people).
In unrelated news, here's an excerpt from tonight's 5pm newscast, copied and pasted directly from the script. I mean, c'mon, people.
NEW AT SIX: AMERICA'S PICKLE PACKERS EXPLAIN WHY THEIR INDUSTRY ISN'T OVER A BARREL.
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A near-random collection of musings.
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Fantasy Hockey Standings
Blades of Ordinary Gentlemen:
Fondle Puck is 2nd of 4
TCF Fantasy Hockey:
Faux Thai Hooch is 7th of 14
St. Bonaventure Hockey League:
Ye Olde Coggle is 8th of 12
California:
Avery's Sloppy 2nds is 5th of 15
Fondle Puck is 2nd of 4
TCF Fantasy Hockey:
Faux Thai Hooch is 7th of 14
St. Bonaventure Hockey League:
Ye Olde Coggle is 8th of 12
California:
Avery's Sloppy 2nds is 5th of 15
Posts
Salt of the Earth
The BumperSmash Charter
As many of you by now know, BumperSmash is (and will forever remain) the appellation and future home of the most delectable lunchtime treat in the rich history of starch-based foodstuffs.
Don't let the eponymous nature of this blog fool you; I fully intend to pursue the financial windfall that will supervene the grand opening and subsequent franchizing of my brainchild. Until said time, however, I've decided it wise to lend its name to my new blog as a shrewd attempt to lay claim to the BumperSmash empire.
While blogging can not provide the toothsome, even curative smashed potatoes that future generations will come to associate with BumperSmash, I fully intend to offer many challenging observations and Circean tales of daring heroism in their stead.
Most will involve dong jokes.
Yours Indubitably,
Nathan Gallant
Don't let the eponymous nature of this blog fool you; I fully intend to pursue the financial windfall that will supervene the grand opening and subsequent franchizing of my brainchild. Until said time, however, I've decided it wise to lend its name to my new blog as a shrewd attempt to lay claim to the BumperSmash empire.
While blogging can not provide the toothsome, even curative smashed potatoes that future generations will come to associate with BumperSmash, I fully intend to offer many challenging observations and Circean tales of daring heroism in their stead.
Most will involve dong jokes.
Yours Indubitably,
Nathan Gallant
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